I am sorry to say that [insert blog name here] will be infrequently updated over the next [insert brief time period here]. I am going to [insert tedious real-life endeavour here] in [insert scenic locale here].
There may be [insert arbitrarily low number here] updates while I'm away, unless I can't because [insert phony trumped up excuses, usually a poor internet connection or Clinton-era laptop breaking apart, here]. In the meantime, please feel free to read [insert links to other blogs, or your old, irrelevant posts incorrectly calling the outcome of long-finished cup finals here].
And when [insert blog name here] returns, it will be better than ever! So please please please [insert desperate plea for future loyalty here].
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