Thursday, October 29, 2009

Phil Brown claims Hull's players are behind him 'one million per cent'

Guardian Headline: Phil Brown has insisted that his players are "a million per cent" behind him despite speculation mounting that his job as Hull City's manager is under threat.

Yes, of course the players are a million percent behind me; even though the media wants to drop an H-Bomb right over Kingston-upon-Hull, my players know that I am the greatest manager who has ever lived. If you want to put that into perspective, that's Alf Ramsey times Jock Stein to the power of about a hundred thousand Sir Alex Fergusons. That sort of managerial prowess can move whole worlds out of orbit, like shifting from a 4-4-2 to a 4-3-3, I think.

Anyway, with Paul Duffen out of the way, who has taken responsibility for Hull's losses (and I'm not about to doubt my chairman, now am I? I mean those are his words, right?), expect to see us score about a billion goals this season, and for us to win one hundred million trophies. Our attendances will skip just past the five hundred thousand mark, which should solve this club's financial problems for all time.

And we will eventually move out of the Premier League altogether, into some sort of invisible league even further up, and if not that, world—no, scratch that—galactic government. No thanks, no questions, I have lives to go save, and as a side project, the finest football team the world has ever seen to manage, like the bloody mega-super-genius I am.

1 comment:

Red Ranter said...

A very inaccurate account of Phil Brown. Don't you know he speaks in the third person?

"Phil Brown's players are a million percent behind Phil Brown."