Friday, September 11, 2009

Terry Punched Me in the Kidneys

Sometimes this thing writes itself, honestly.

I think Sean Ingle or whoever it is that controls what appears on the Guardian Football mainpage should have been a collage artist: the juxtaposition of headlines often has an almost Drudge-like ability to wink and nudge at the party-faithful, in this case, those with a taste for the game's inherent absurdity.

This morning (or afternoon British browsers) provides a brilliant case study. England qualifies for the 2010 World Cup in brilliant fashion with a five-one thrashing of the blue Balkan shower, a game that managed to spiritually expunge McClaren's epic 2007 fail in the November rain.

So, sensible the Guardian would want to post up Capello's warning that the WAGS are Not Wanted On the Voyage. Echoes perhaps of Bearzot's 1982 Italy, a team famous for hiding its players from women and the press before taking the Cup? Then of course the glowing op-eds linked beneath, with McCarra's 'Band of Brothers' headline leading the way in very un-Guardian like plaudits. England Expects.

Then below, one of the best cropped headlines I've ever read, ever: "Klasnic: Terry Punched Me in the Kidneys." There is almost too much to go into here; I could write an entire post about the obsession among my fellow middle schoolers over punching your playmate's internal organs, with the kidneys leading the way. Reading this I flashed back to visions of grounded school kids massaging the small of their backs, crying that so-and-so "punched me in the kidneys."

And then there's the actual childishness of the circumstances: Kransic spits on Terry, Terry makes mental note of Bolton Striker's surgical history, Terry punches Klasnic's kidneys, Gary Megson says "it's sorted." Suddenly Capello's bold image as a stalwart reformer falls into hilarious relief against the passion of EBJT.

I watched Band of Brothers on DVD and I don't remember Lieutenant Winters punching any Nazis in the kidneys. Perhaps McCarra should have gone with "Capello's Inglourious Basterds" instead?

1 comment:

Craig said...

It's posts like this that keep me reading the blog, especially the last paragraph.