Friday, August 14, 2009

Premier League Week 0: Full Breakdown of the Premier League Table

Well, Week 0 has brought on some very surprising results. Arsenal, despite many criticizing Arsene Wenger's lack of decisive spending during the off-season, are in first place. It seems Wenger is right: youth and talent will always beat the big transfer money spenders in the end. But the question is: can Arsenal hold on to this early lead through till January?

Meanwhile, Martin O'Neill's Aston Villa have truly "made a statement" with their decisive second place start. With many predicting Manchester City's rise would bump Villa to the bottom of the Europa league spots, O'Neill's team have come raging out of the start gate, while still technically in the start gate. Will Villa be on form for a suprise Champions League spot come May?

And what of Mark Hughes' new-look Man City? Two spots behind where they finished last year, that's "what of." Things are not looking good for the pride of the United Arab Emirates as questions continue to swirl in the giant swirling question vortex over Hughes' future with the club.

Which begs the question: where are City's traditionally more successful neighbours in red? Licking their wounds one place behind City in 13th spot, that's where, asshole. Yes, things are not looking good for Manchester United, what with the bloody Ronaldo-sized hole in the middle of their collective torso. At this point, all United supporters can do is go down to their local Catholic church, say the rosary, and pray their balls off that this is a repeat of their slow start from last year.

As for the shit teams that have annoyingly had to come up from whatever league it is that we're better than, Burnley and Birmingham look poised to take Europe by storm next year, sitting in sixth and third respectively. While I can't see anyway whatsoever this could change over the quickly-diminishing eight month period between now and the final day of league play, there is still a statistical possibility either team could still go down. Watch this space. Oh yes, and Wolves are poised to fuck off back to hell, so abandon hope all ye etc.

Summing up, will teams win or lose, thereby affecting their point totals and shifting them hither and thither on the league table of doom? Or will Wigan Athletic become Aaaaa Aaaaathletic between now and 3 pm tomorrow to take first place for a few hours? Can't tell at all can you? And that's the glory of football.


Red Ranter said...

I shall hereby re-christen Manchester United, Aardvark FC.

Jon Eccles said...

One game in, and Arsenal are still top. That's infinitely as many games as they'd played this time last week.

Wolves have gone up to second bottom. If they go up as many places every week, they'll be top by Christmas.