The Bernebeu as seen from spaceA group of scientists gathered in Bern, Switzerland confirmed the science world's worst fears today: Real Madrid has become a footballing singularity, and appears to be drawing the heaviest nearby stars into a black hole located in the centre of the Bernebeu.
"Take the worse case scenario you could possibly imagine," explained Dr. Bronhoffer, with the University of Copenhagen, "and multiply that by five trillion. Then take a deep breath, because it's about five hundred billion times worse than that."
Dr. Bronhoffer, surrounded by concerned scientists and football managers from Serie A and the Premier League, carefully explained it would only be a matter of time before the brightest stars in Europe are wiped out under the mass of accumulated debt and hype. "If you are the chairman of a football club, our advice to is to move your stars to one of several designated underground bunkers/salt mines in and around Europe as soon as possible."
While we had some measure of hope when David Villa fluxuated on the edge of the crushing gravitational pull of what were are now calling the Florentino-Galacticos Singularity, news that Franck Ribery has disappeared into a mass of white has confirmed our suspicions that Real Madrid was much more dense than we had first calculated."
Dr. Bonhoffer took a deep breath before putting a hand on Sir Alex Ferguson's shoulder. "May Maradona have mercy on our souls."
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