Aston Villa agree £12m fee for Middlesbrough's Stewart Downing - Guardian Headline

Aston Villa's new signing Stuart Downing in action (post op).

Aston Villa have agreed a fee of around £12m with Middlesbrough for their winger Stewart Downing. Downing is currently recovering from surgery on a fractured bone in his foot, and is unlikely to be ready for competitive football before October at the earliest, but it appears the Villa manager Martin O'Neill is now keen to complete a deal this summer, rather than waiting until January as had previously been suggested.

Martin O'Neill: Morning Gareth.

Stuart Downing: Sorry? I think you mean Stuart. Or Captain Stubing as my mates used to call me.

MON: Oh, yes, of course. Stuart. Right. So, how do you fancy wearing the number 6?

SD: Uh, that was Baz's number wasn't it?

MON: Was it?

SD: Look, Mr. O'Neill -

MON: Call me Martini! That's what GB used to call me.

SD: - Barry's name is still on the back of this shirt.

MON: Interesting. That reminds me, I'd like to show you your new wardrobe.

SD: Wardrobe?

MON: Yes, the clothes that you'll be required to wear as part of your contract. You did read it didn't you Gareth? Ah, here we are, let me just open this suitcase.

SD: Um. Right. These shirts all have Barry's name and number stitched on the breast.

MON: Hmm, yes. And you'll find they're a bit dirty on account of the fact that our dearly beloved Gareth Barry threw them out of the hotel room window during negotiations before he left—*ahem* excuse me, something in my eye I think—the club.

SD: Er, okay. I'll put these on later. So are you going to show me the training facilities?

MON: Yes, just after your pre op appointment.

SD: For my ankle you mean?

MON: No my dear Baz. Reconstructive surgery for your face! We need you to have a fuller, more manly jaw line.

SD: Oh my god, no.

MON: And I have JUST the model photograph. It's signed and everything! You can study it to perfect your new signature! Gareth? Where are you going Gareth? Security! Oop, now we've got you, thank you gentlemen!

SD: My god, please no!

MON: You see? It was always meant to be! Now let's go make you beautiful, my lovely Gareth Barry. That way we can be together for ever, and ever, and ever and ever and ever-

SD: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

MON: -and ever and ever and ever and ever

FIN