Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Welcome to Lockport Gambino Real Madrid

Hi, I'm Tony Gambino of Lockport Gambino Real Madrid, and we are under new ownership which means our inventory is overstocked with footballers, footballers, footballers.

Yes, come on down to Tonawanda and Highway 13 near Jack Astor's and Mary's Lawn and Garden Emporium to get your new or used footballer at below industry prices. We have Arjen Robben, on now for $2999 or best offer, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, $2499 or best offer. Prices on Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, Wesley Sneijder, Rafael van der Vaart and Royston Drenthe have and will continue to be slashed slashed slashed. Also, fish out fixer-uppers Mahamadou Diarra and Javier Saviola from our Lockport Gambino bargain bin.

Perfect for all your mid and upper table Premier League and Serie A needs, we guarantee satisfaction or your money back.* That's Lockport Gambino Real Madrid, serving the Western New York and Madrid regions for over fifty years. Sale ends August 31st.

*Sorry, no money back, we cannot guarantee goals scored, Champions League qualification, good attitudes, attractive wags, over 70% pass completion, injury-less seasons. No CODs.


Fredorrarci said...

The thing is, even though I write 50% of a fake transfer column, and as much as I think checking real transfer columns is beneath me, there's a part of me that is really excited that my team might pick up one of these players. (I'll bet you anything it'll be Saviola.)

Richard Whittall said...

I know what you mean. It's like when I heard Bentley might go to Villa, and I thought, for the briefest of moments, "Really?" until I imagined him missing free kick after free kick in Claret and Blue.

amy said...