Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Have Bolton and Don't Know What to Do? Some Simple Crafts You Can Make at Home

It seems every year at least one Premier League club completely disappears. I don't recall the last time Bolton made the regular Saturday morning lineup on Setanta, and I don't recall reading a single Bolton-related headline, either in relation to relegation, Europe, big transfer deals, competent management, fan incidents, big injuries, controversial sending offs etc etc.

So I took a look at their page on the Guardian site, and the only non-Sunderland relegation battle related story had to do with Megson looking at picking up Joey "I Punch Players" Barton. That was May 8th. Before that, it was a report on Bolton's goalless draw against Wigan on the 2nd.

Barry Glendenning once asked of Middlesborough, back when they were lodged mid-table and not seeming to do much of anything, "What are Boro for?" I'm inclined to think Bolton must have a use, so I've devised a few ideas.

1. Tea Cozy: Tired of drinking lukewarm tea on your second cup? How about wrapping Bolton around your pot to keep it slightly less lukewarm? That's nice, isn't it?

2. Book Ends: Dostoevsky not cooperating, flopping on its belly after little nudge from the Chicago Manual of Style? Let the Wanderers hold up your books in an unobtrusive but not totally terrible way. Gary Megson looks nice and cozy next to Gerard Manley Hopkins, doesn't he?

3. Pitch Pipe: Can't find your note? Don't believe that F# sounded right on the last go on Der Winterreise? Blow on that gangly gang of substandard footballers in terrible white shirts, and you've got perfect pitch!

There you go Bolton! Now I've made a fresh pot, so I'll see you in the kitchen in five. Not you Davies, I need you to stay on my bookshelf, that Flannery O'Connor short story compilation looks a little precarious.


Brian Phillips said...

That's exactly what Bolton would look like as a tea cozy, too.

Richard Whittall said...

Colourful but not something you'd want out when guests come over...