I don't know who this was exactly; I'm pretty sure it was Iain Dowie. But the guy had a habit of constantly making reference to how Manchester United are "omnipotent" or "flawless" (in gloria nomine patri etc. etc.). Michael Carrick was referred to as the "best holding midfielder in the world." Torres "has a habit of going to ground." Vidic's red card, which was about as clear a decision as you're going to get in football, with Gerrard practically licking the underside of the bar prior to having his organs ripped out from behind, was termed "poor."
I don't need this. I don't need to watch a Premier League match and hear about the quality of Christiano Ronaldo or the resilience of the Red Devils in the face of unholy adversity. It's there in front of me. Just, spout stats, or better yet, why not read out some John Donne poetry, or Foucault's lectures on early Greek philosophy? I'd learn more about the game from that than hearing about Rooney's "pace and power" up front, I mean what the hell.