Stuff North American Football Fans Like

Number 3. The Eee Pee El

The Eee Pee El is considered by the NAFF to be the best league in the world. Period. If pressed on the matter, the NAFF will employ the classic 'La Liga Gambit' and reply, "While La Liga comes in a really close second, it just can't match the pace and power of the Eee Pee El." The 'La Liga Gambit' deftly reinforces the NAFF's status within the Global Football Culture as one who follows non-English leagues, while drawing attention away from the fact the NAFF secretly likes the Eee Pee El because of the Englishy songs and the Englishy commentators and the Englishy striped scarves.

The NAFF can greatly enhance their social status by demonstrating they followed the Eee Pee El 'before everyone else got on board when Arsenal started winning everything.' Teams, dates and players are important here. You will be laughed out of the pub if you claimed to started following Chelsea because you really liked the ball-handing skills of Tor Andre Flo. However, claiming you got into the Eee Pee El because you liked watching Matt LeTissier, if backed up with evidence (preferably a vintage 96' Saints kit) can get you NAFF Eee Pee El cred for life. To be safe, it's generally a good idea to say you started watching the Eee Pee El "just after World Cup 98."

WARNING: Proving early Eee Pee El cred can be a dangerous game. English relatives, if used wisely, are an essential tool. For example, no one will believe you if you say you liked Arsenal 'before Wenger' unless you can produce evidence of an English-speaking granddad who 'always loved watching the Gunners at Highbury.' Additionally, proving adherence to Manchester United before their treble year is also a risky venture, so its always good to have an English uncle or grandparent on hand to back up your claims that you liked "United back when Fergie couldn't win anything." No NAFF will ever believe you liked Chelsea before Abramovich, relatives or no, so don't bother.