Friday, September 5, 2008

Sarah Palin, Soccer Moms, and Guy Lafleur's Disco Album

Some Hockey Mom's Son

A lot is being said about Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin's use of the term 'hockey mom,' her catchall for middle-class American housewives scared to death of Mad Cow Disease, Islamic fundamentalism, and Hispanic people.

It seems the old 'Soccer Mom' cliche, like the minivan, Dave Matthews Band, and East Asian market melt-downs, is so 1999. And in light of that noble struggle known to us as the 'culture wars', it makes a lot of sense. Since 'soccer' is considered a sport followed and played by effete, liberal New Yorker-reading Truman Capotes (himself a poaching centre-forward), it's better to associate with the arm-breakingly rural, gun-loving and Nine Eleven-exploiting sport known as hockey. Or so the argument goes.

A wee rebuttal.

First of all, soccer is not a popular sport in Alaska. Ice and snow and all that. Plus heated indoor soccer is for old men. Perhaps Palin really is just a hockey mom. And nothing more than that.

Second, hockey is the most popular sport by far in Canada, the giant centrally-planned Soviet outpost with Mike Meyers in it somewhere. Why would the Republicans want to mess with our meagre cultural emblems or indeed risk any association with this, the land of godless gun-control?

Wait for the 527 spot: "Sarah Palin says she's a Hockey Mom. Did you know that hockey is the most popular sport in Quebec, where French is the first language? Do the math. Brought to you by Citizens Opposed to Less-Popular American sports."

Come to think of it, hockey is one of the most popular sports in Russia too. And Sweden, a country with 45% income tax rates, socialist medicine, and lots of big, fat, greasy government programs (and one the best standards of living in the world, but, you know...yeah). Palin is way off message here. Unless her thousands of children are forced to play some good old American Football, the perfect sporting embodiment of the art of war, and yes, that means you too Bristol, she will doomed forever by association with Ken Dryden, the 1972 Canada-Soviet Summit Series, dump-and-chase, the CBC, and Guy Lafleur's ground-breaking disco album.

1 comment:

Colin Smith said...

I now know who Gary Bettman will be voting for...