Sunday, August 31, 2008

Meek Chelsea and Liverpool Surrender 100% Records -- Guardian Headline

Another one. Has on-line football punditry gone mad? Are my socks black?

It's round three ladies and gentlemen. There was a time when 'one hundred percent' referred to undefeated streaks. Surely we shouldn't have to remonstrate poor old Liverpool and victimized Chelsea for not winning their third match of the 2008-2009 Premier League season?

Or, to put it another way, we should. Come on Big Four! Where's your diamond encrusted platinum fist when we need it? Perhaps in Damien Hurst's shop? Nothing but absolute domination should have sufficed today! Your puny-pointed humiliation will now be presented to the footballing world as 'news.'

Aston Villa? Excuse me while I puke all over my fully-furnished Kensington flat. Those Northern numpties should have laid down and bled to death in front of goal. In fact, they should have fashioned a carpet from their horrible light blue away kits to show you the way to the back of the net.

And Tottenham? Where are their manners? They could have at least suffered once more and humiliate their away fans by losing to rampant juggernaut Chelsea. But nooo, someone had to be greedy. We thought you had just gotten comfortable not scoring Mr. Darren Bent. Who the hell do you think you are?

Well, that's alright. Chelsea and Liverpool surrendered calmly, avoiding any bloodshed. Thank God for that. And judging by the results right about now, Barca and Madrid are following your pacifist lead and 'surrendering' their 100% records right on the first day of the season. Ghandi would be proud...

2 comments:

Brian said...

Well, at least you can agree that Arsenal---a lost cause as recently as Friday night---are now "rampant".

I wonder how long it will be before the acceleration of everything, which means one game now qualifies as a trend, reaches the point at which performance is actually measured subjunctively. You could make the case that Adebayor had a historically great game against Newcastle because he could have scored six goals.

Jamie said...

With these types of results, maybe the Premiership might actually display a bit of parity this year. So much for an easy betting line.

Along the topic of parity, there was an interesting perspective taken by "amacpher" on a Voyageurs forum in mid July. Specifically check his two postings of July 16.

Kudos on such an eloquent blog. Your posts are really insightful reads.