Is Aston Villa sixth in the Premier League table because they're extremely lucky? And if so, is this necessarily a bad thing? Seeing as I have the attention span and memory of your average goldfish, which should be clear from my post-rate over the past two weeks, I'm not going to flash some "mad punditry skills" and go through each Villa game to pinpoint where 'Always Prepared' ended and 'Monumentally and Undeservedly Lucky" began. If that's what you want I'm sure some happy soul at Goal.com would be grateful to oblige. Mine is a loftier aim.
In all things I try to be impartial, cold, neutral, even to the point of walking by the homeless people in my neighbourhood with nary a glance just so I can practice my journalistic indifference to the horrible plight of humanity. After all, 'journalistic integrity' is hardly a by-word among bloggers who can post basically whatever trash they'd like on the Interweb without annoying interference from some jackass know-it-all editor bleating on about 'balance' and 'fact-checking.' That said, it is my unbiased and therefore absolutely true opinion that Villa are shite and clearly have been all season, right back to when Liverpool beat us at home on our home opener in August. Shite yes, but the boys with 32Red on their shirts have also been very lucky.
Sure, we've won lots of games, mostly by scoring dodgy goals on set-pieces whilst offering clubs with superior passing-ability, tactical acumen, and goal-scoring instincts opportunity after opportunity to score which they refuse to do for reasons that could only be put down to extreme courtesy, unless of course Carson really really insists. Watching Villa is kind of like watching a group of sad-sack children whose dad lets them win.
Soon, and I'm thinking April and May here, dad will get tired of Johnny and Henrik running around pumping their fists and ruining the Gardenias, and will have to beat them REAL BAD so that they'll learn the value of humility. Once we've fallen to, oh, let's say ninth spot, O'Neill might realise what's been going on all this time and then press Randy Lerner and Charles 'Patton' Krulak for a bit more pocket money to pay the big boys down the street, the ones with the low-riders and the bandanas, to come and beat the shit out of dad. Until then, prepare for an end of season collapse like no other. See you on the other side.
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